I haven't posted a blog in a few days. The last few nights I have thought, as I laid down, that I should have blogged. And then I would convince myself that I didn't need to blog because I don't really have any readers. If I had been totally honest with myself I would have just told myself that I might regret what I would have said over the last few days. You see, my life blew up this week. I don't mean it blew up in size, I mean it blew up from massive amounts of explosives. And it blew up when I had no warning.
Those life blow ups seem to come in different levels. They remind me of natural disasters. There are hurricane types of blow ups. Those are the ones that you see coming for weeks, but are unable to stop. You could run and avoid some of the pain, but doing that means you leave behind your life. These blow ups are super painful and the fact that you saw them coming never fully prepares you for what you go through. The warning is great though because you did have time to circle the wagons, so to speak. Then there are the tornado blow ups. You have a little bit of alert that it is on it's way but it is never enough to do much more than throw your arms up over your head. You might be able to grab a bit of what will help you the most but other than that, watch out! Finally, you have earthquake blow ups. They hit with no warning whatsoever. They hit you where and when you least expect. You are just walking down the street, thinking the world is bright and shiny when- boom, a chimney drops on your head. Sometimes these blow ups don't look so big to the outside world, but the fact that you had no chance to prepare put a magnifier on your feelings. (For anyone wondering about the chimney thing let me explain. I lived in Charleston in my childhood which is, believe it or not, on a fault line. It isn't very active but a long time ago, according to my elemenary teacher, when it shifted and an earthquake occured everyone ran outside. And then they died from thier chimneys falling on their heads.)
This weeks blowup was an earthquake. It shook me to the core. And I felt like I had no where to turn to handle all the pain from that blasted falling chimney. I tried to turn to my friends and family. And the family turned on me. They were more concerned with burying the chimney than they were in building a new chimney or fixing my head wound. I suppose we all have our priorities but, to me, this seems so utterly stupid a way to prioritize that I know I can not involve those people in my life anymore. I mean, who wants people in their lives who would be more concerned about the possible puke involved than in administering the Heimlich? Just sayin'...
I am still shaken. I am shaken to my core. But I am finding out that the fault line I was living on is trying to close. The fault line is trying to become more stable. And so I will keep my house built upon this line. I will put my faith in God's ability to hold that fault together. And I will pray every day that next time my life blows up, it reminds me more of a gentle drizzle.
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