I don't know about other people, but I live with little concerns floating around in my brain all the time. "Do I have enough gas in the car to get where I am going?" or "Will the paycheck hit the bank on time?" or "Will that guy texting while driving next to me swerve into my lane?" or "Will Boogie be disappointed at what a new baby is like?" I think they are all genuine concerns. Afterall, when I was a kid the gas gauge stuck once and we ended up stranded with no gas, the paycheck has been known to go in a day or two late when there is holiday around, many texting people are guilty of pinball driving and Boogie had huge plans about life with his new brother.
I tried to prepare Boog for how little a baby is, how little babies can do and how much attention babies require but fail to give. We talked about it and talked about it and talked about it. It was never a lecture but a lot of little "well honey" comments. I hoped he really listened to what I said, but I doubted any of it sunk in. I was concerned to say the least.
Well, don't you know it? My boys proved me a worrywart. After all those "well honey" comments Will has proven me wrong with each one and Boog has proven he had his expectations leveled appropriately. I told Boogie that babies don't really play. Boog's idea of playing with a baby is just exactly what he gets- Will's nose wrinkling at jokes, smiling at funny faces and wiggling when tickled. I told Boogie that babies really only cry to communicate. Will already coos and giggles at Boogie. I told Boogie that most babies only calm down for their parents. Will only calms down for Boogie in certain situations. He seriously seems to equate Boogie with the car seat. If we put him in the car seat he expects to have Boogie holding his hand or foot, talking, reading or singing to him and making funny faces just inches from Will's face. Any lack of Boogie equates to uncontrollable cries of loneliness that only Boogie can soothe!
At every turn I appear to be a liar! But you know what? I don't mind being proven a liar every day if it keeps them loving each other the way they do! They aren't at all disappointed in eachother and I am certainly not disappointed by being wrong!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
A merry month of mayhem with my miniature man
My sweet baby boy was a month old on Sunday. That just doesn't seem right to me. I feel like he should only be a few days old, and I feel like he has been in my arms forever. This month has been, like the first month with every newborn, a crazy time. There is so much changing going on that first month, both with the baby and with the family. Here is a just a sampling of our events this past month...
4/15 Will born
4/16 Will holds his head up
4/18 come home from hospital/ new washer arrives!
4/19 Will rolls from front to back
4/21 weight check for Will, immunizations for Boogie
4/25 Will's first outing (took Boogie to dance class, then to buy dance shoes)
4/26 Plastibell came off
4/29 umbilical stubby fell off
5/1 Will tracks me with his eyes
5/3 Will coos for the first time
5/4 My post op check
5/5 another weight check
5/6 Will smiles when he sees me
5/7 Will rolls back to front/ Will giggles for the first time
5/8 Will's dedication
5/9 Will motivates across the floor
5/10 Will outgrows an outfit for the first time!
5/12 Start taking the kids on a daily walk
5/15 1 month old!
That doesn't include most dance classes, any small group visits, Hubby running monitors at church, grocery/supply shopping, etc. I can't believe how much has happened. I can't believe how much Will has grown. I can't believe I have been blessed to watch this amazing little boy develop and change every day!
4/15 Will born
4/16 Will holds his head up
4/18 come home from hospital/ new washer arrives!
4/19 Will rolls from front to back
4/21 weight check for Will, immunizations for Boogie
4/25 Will's first outing (took Boogie to dance class, then to buy dance shoes)
4/26 Plastibell came off
4/29 umbilical stubby fell off
5/1 Will tracks me with his eyes
5/3 Will coos for the first time
5/4 My post op check
5/5 another weight check
5/6 Will smiles when he sees me
5/7 Will rolls back to front/ Will giggles for the first time
5/8 Will's dedication
5/9 Will motivates across the floor
5/10 Will outgrows an outfit for the first time!
5/12 Start taking the kids on a daily walk
5/15 1 month old!
That doesn't include most dance classes, any small group visits, Hubby running monitors at church, grocery/supply shopping, etc. I can't believe how much has happened. I can't believe how much Will has grown. I can't believe I have been blessed to watch this amazing little boy develop and change every day!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Way back in 1999 I became a mother for the first time. I was young but I was determined to combat that by reading every book on parenting that I could get my hands on before the baby came. And so I did. I borrowed books from friends and read them cover to cover. I went to the bookstore and sat in a chair reading the books I couldn't afford. Based on what the books said I decided to breastfeed my baby.
She came a few weeks early but not before I had a couple weeks of being completely stressed out over things that weren't going right with the pregnancy. She was jaundiced. All she ever wanted to do was sleep. She never really latched on properly. I was super stressed and beyond tired. Any one of these things can affect a woman's milk supply, but apparently the combination (or perhaps some other reason) killed mine. It was the first thing I intended to do for my child to giver her the best, and I was a total failure.
Do you know that not a single one of those books that I had read ever indicated that a woman can have a failure to make milk? I felt all kinds of sadness that I can't really describe. Every book, every "expert" said that all women make milk, it's the natural way of things. The books all seemed to say to me that not being able to make milk was the product of not trying hard enough. They said to me that giving up was my not caring to give my child the best. It killed me to have to stop even trying but when I was getting nothing but blood when I pumped I had to give in.
It has been 11 years but the pain of that first maternal failure has always haunted me. It isn't that I always want it to haunt me but with each pregnancy since then the breastfeeding police have come after me. They come in the form of emails about breastfeeding from the doctor or hospital, ads in parenting magazines, entire chapters in parenting books, lactation boutiques being touted in hospital tours, etc. When you are a pregnant woman who has previously failed to successfully breastfeed those reminders are everywhere! My poor hubby dealt with many a tear over just knowing that I would fail again.
Fast forward to three weeks ago. Will was born. I was too scared to even think of the possibility of successfully breastfeeding. I refused to answer that question during the hospital intake. I wouldn't even allow myself to dream of such a thing. I kept saying, "Well, I will try and when all I make is colostrum again at least the baby will have gotten the good antibodies and I will be OK. I won't let it upset me this time."
Hubby must have had other plans because someone told the hospital staff that I would be attempting to breastfeed. When they came to me to confirm I panicked inside. I thought everyone was going to see me fail again. I was going to start a third child's life out by failing him. It scared me more than I allowed anyone to know. (At least I think I hid it pretty well.) But, I decided that if I was going to fail I should at least actually fail instead of just failing by refusing to try. So we gave it a shot.
I was a total roller coaster with it. Will has a great affinity for breastfeeding. He automatically took to it. It made my hope soar. Then they weighed Will and he had lost weight. That soaring hope crashed like a kite when the wind disappears. And repeat. Then a nurse had me start pumping and I would add a twist to each run of the roller coaster. I was so freaked out that each time I got any milk I made the nurse look at it to tell me if any of it was milk as opposed to colostrum. I even stayed in the hospital an extra day just to keep track of Will's weight.
Eventually I had to go home but Will and I kept at it. And guess what? We had success. When we went for his one week visit at the doctor the weight loss had stopped. He had even gained back an ounce. The doctor told us to come back in two weeks (earlier if things seemed to not be going well) and we would know for sure. He even gave Will and I a goal. He wanted Will to be back to his birth weight by this visit.
Yesterday we had that visit. I was a bit nervous about it. Will seemed to be back to his birth weight but what if it was all wishfull thinking? Well, I am proud to say that we hit our goal. Will weighed 9 lbs 3 oz at birth. When we left the hospital he was at 8 lbs 7 oz. That first visit had Will weighing in at 8 lbs 8 oz. At this visit Will weighed 10 lbs 2.8 oz! That's right yo! He is almost a full pound heavier than when he was born. He gained 27 oz in 14 days! Go Will! And go boobies! :)
Amazingly, breastfeeding gets to be something I can say I have conquered now! I don't know what was so different this time. It could be the fact that my boys took care of me while I was pregnant. It could be Will's amazingness. No matter what the difference I just want to say Yay!
She came a few weeks early but not before I had a couple weeks of being completely stressed out over things that weren't going right with the pregnancy. She was jaundiced. All she ever wanted to do was sleep. She never really latched on properly. I was super stressed and beyond tired. Any one of these things can affect a woman's milk supply, but apparently the combination (or perhaps some other reason) killed mine. It was the first thing I intended to do for my child to giver her the best, and I was a total failure.
Do you know that not a single one of those books that I had read ever indicated that a woman can have a failure to make milk? I felt all kinds of sadness that I can't really describe. Every book, every "expert" said that all women make milk, it's the natural way of things. The books all seemed to say to me that not being able to make milk was the product of not trying hard enough. They said to me that giving up was my not caring to give my child the best. It killed me to have to stop even trying but when I was getting nothing but blood when I pumped I had to give in.
It has been 11 years but the pain of that first maternal failure has always haunted me. It isn't that I always want it to haunt me but with each pregnancy since then the breastfeeding police have come after me. They come in the form of emails about breastfeeding from the doctor or hospital, ads in parenting magazines, entire chapters in parenting books, lactation boutiques being touted in hospital tours, etc. When you are a pregnant woman who has previously failed to successfully breastfeed those reminders are everywhere! My poor hubby dealt with many a tear over just knowing that I would fail again.
Fast forward to three weeks ago. Will was born. I was too scared to even think of the possibility of successfully breastfeeding. I refused to answer that question during the hospital intake. I wouldn't even allow myself to dream of such a thing. I kept saying, "Well, I will try and when all I make is colostrum again at least the baby will have gotten the good antibodies and I will be OK. I won't let it upset me this time."
Hubby must have had other plans because someone told the hospital staff that I would be attempting to breastfeed. When they came to me to confirm I panicked inside. I thought everyone was going to see me fail again. I was going to start a third child's life out by failing him. It scared me more than I allowed anyone to know. (At least I think I hid it pretty well.) But, I decided that if I was going to fail I should at least actually fail instead of just failing by refusing to try. So we gave it a shot.
I was a total roller coaster with it. Will has a great affinity for breastfeeding. He automatically took to it. It made my hope soar. Then they weighed Will and he had lost weight. That soaring hope crashed like a kite when the wind disappears. And repeat. Then a nurse had me start pumping and I would add a twist to each run of the roller coaster. I was so freaked out that each time I got any milk I made the nurse look at it to tell me if any of it was milk as opposed to colostrum. I even stayed in the hospital an extra day just to keep track of Will's weight.
Eventually I had to go home but Will and I kept at it. And guess what? We had success. When we went for his one week visit at the doctor the weight loss had stopped. He had even gained back an ounce. The doctor told us to come back in two weeks (earlier if things seemed to not be going well) and we would know for sure. He even gave Will and I a goal. He wanted Will to be back to his birth weight by this visit.
Yesterday we had that visit. I was a bit nervous about it. Will seemed to be back to his birth weight but what if it was all wishfull thinking? Well, I am proud to say that we hit our goal. Will weighed 9 lbs 3 oz at birth. When we left the hospital he was at 8 lbs 7 oz. That first visit had Will weighing in at 8 lbs 8 oz. At this visit Will weighed 10 lbs 2.8 oz! That's right yo! He is almost a full pound heavier than when he was born. He gained 27 oz in 14 days! Go Will! And go boobies! :)
Amazingly, breastfeeding gets to be something I can say I have conquered now! I don't know what was so different this time. It could be the fact that my boys took care of me while I was pregnant. It could be Will's amazingness. No matter what the difference I just want to say Yay!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Will's Birth Story
I guess the story of Will's birth should start the night before he was born. I was supposed to get a call that night telling me what time to show up for my c-section in the morning. Guess what? No call! That, shall we say, worried me a bit! I had to make a ton of phone calls to find out just when to come in. Eventually I was told 5:30 am. That seemed a bit early for the 9 am c-section I had scheduled but Justin and I just said OK. 5:30 am came very early and found me a bundle of nerves. Amazingly we made it to the hospital in time. We asked about the early time and got wonderful news. Instead of being the second section of the day we had been bumped up to the first position. Apparently the person originally scheduled to be first had delivered earlier in the week. So now they had to get me ready to roll.
The nurses were very nice, but they proved to me that I am a hard stick. It took 3 nurses 4 attempts to get an IV in my arm. I ended up with the IV in the side of my wrist. AWKWARD place, I assure you. When everything was attached and working we only had about 20 minutes before the doctor was supposed to come speak to me.
After 45 minutes one nurse informed me that no one had seen my doctor yet that day. Uh, what? Justin and I joked that maybe no one had told the doctor we had been bumped up the schedule. Surely not the case we told each other. The minutes continued to click by... quickly they turned into hours. Finally we had an update. No one had informed the doctor that we had been bumped up on the schedule, or verified that he was available when they bumped us up. My doctor was at the surgery center across town! Oops! Oh, and even if he could get there right that second we would have to wait. Someone having twins was using the other OR and they like to keep one OR open for emergencies. Finally the doctor was on site, the twins were delivered and it was my turn. The time- 10 am. It had been a long morning already!
Finally things were rolling along again. They brought me back to the OR and began the process of the spinal block. Despite the fact that this was my third c-section this was my first block. Oh my goodness did it freak me out. In my first two sections I could kind of feel pulling but that was it, with the block I could feel all the pressure being put on different parts of my body. With the other two I was just numb but with this one I felt like my bottom half was just asleep. In my previous sections I would go cold and into a haze. This time I started to sweat and I couldn't breathe but I stayed positively lucid. It was so different but my anesthesiologist made it all ok.
From there on things didn't just roll along, they sped. Hubby barely made it into the room before they had me all opened up. The doctor barely announced that he was about to remove the baby before Will let out the cry every mother longs to hear. Yep, Will didn't wait to be totally extracted before letting everyone know what he thought of those bright lights! He made his momma proud! Oh- amazing thing- the doctor dropped the shield during the section so Hubby could see Will come out! I am sure I don't have to mention that it was love at first sight! Hubby went with Will and I chose to stay and get sewed up... because I obviously had a choice! Haha! At this point there ends up being another difference between this section and my previous ones - I stayed awake. I have never been able to stay awake after the baby is removed but this time I did. I was even cutting up with the doctor and nurses. It was nice really.
From there Hubby and Will went to get the vitals (DOB 4/15 @ 10:36 am, 9 lb. 3 oz., 21 1/2" long) and I went off to start recovery where I did allow myself to sleep. Within a few hours I was in my room and Will was in my arms, right where he belongs!
The nurses were very nice, but they proved to me that I am a hard stick. It took 3 nurses 4 attempts to get an IV in my arm. I ended up with the IV in the side of my wrist. AWKWARD place, I assure you. When everything was attached and working we only had about 20 minutes before the doctor was supposed to come speak to me.
After 45 minutes one nurse informed me that no one had seen my doctor yet that day. Uh, what? Justin and I joked that maybe no one had told the doctor we had been bumped up the schedule. Surely not the case we told each other. The minutes continued to click by... quickly they turned into hours. Finally we had an update. No one had informed the doctor that we had been bumped up on the schedule, or verified that he was available when they bumped us up. My doctor was at the surgery center across town! Oops! Oh, and even if he could get there right that second we would have to wait. Someone having twins was using the other OR and they like to keep one OR open for emergencies. Finally the doctor was on site, the twins were delivered and it was my turn. The time- 10 am. It had been a long morning already!
Finally things were rolling along again. They brought me back to the OR and began the process of the spinal block. Despite the fact that this was my third c-section this was my first block. Oh my goodness did it freak me out. In my first two sections I could kind of feel pulling but that was it, with the block I could feel all the pressure being put on different parts of my body. With the other two I was just numb but with this one I felt like my bottom half was just asleep. In my previous sections I would go cold and into a haze. This time I started to sweat and I couldn't breathe but I stayed positively lucid. It was so different but my anesthesiologist made it all ok.
From there on things didn't just roll along, they sped. Hubby barely made it into the room before they had me all opened up. The doctor barely announced that he was about to remove the baby before Will let out the cry every mother longs to hear. Yep, Will didn't wait to be totally extracted before letting everyone know what he thought of those bright lights! He made his momma proud! Oh- amazing thing- the doctor dropped the shield during the section so Hubby could see Will come out! I am sure I don't have to mention that it was love at first sight! Hubby went with Will and I chose to stay and get sewed up... because I obviously had a choice! Haha! At this point there ends up being another difference between this section and my previous ones - I stayed awake. I have never been able to stay awake after the baby is removed but this time I did. I was even cutting up with the doctor and nurses. It was nice really.
From there Hubby and Will went to get the vitals (DOB 4/15 @ 10:36 am, 9 lb. 3 oz., 21 1/2" long) and I went off to start recovery where I did allow myself to sleep. Within a few hours I was in my room and Will was in my arms, right where he belongs!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Boogie Night
Well, tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow we will have another little one in our care, and I will be on pain medicine. But tonight, tonight we focus on our little Boogie Bear. Tonight we want him to know that he is special to us. Tonight he is the king and it is Boogie's choice! So here we go- having a Boogie Night at Chuck E. Cheese! Haha!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Magic Kitty
Recently I told everyone about my little watch kitty. She is an awesome little watch kitty, and has done sweet sweet things for me, but this post isn't about her. Would you believe that two of my kitties are awesome? Seriously!
Casanova is my kitty. He was the first kitty we got and he really only likes Hubby and me. He hides from most everyone else. And he really hadn't reacted very well to this pregnancy. He had been avoiding me, aided by my hubby locking the kitties out of my room at night. Hubby claimed that was to help me sleep while I believe it was so he could steal all the kitty loving! Despite that effort (haha) I have had a horrible time sleeping.
Recently I developed pregnancy induced sleep apnea. Multiple times in an hour I wake up making an inhale scream (the type you make when the scariest thing in the world just startled you.) And apparently for every time you wake up there are a whole lot more where you don't wake up. Consequently I have been exhausted.
Anyway, the night before last Hubby fell asleep before ushering me upstairs so I didn't have the kitties locked out. Well, Casanova climbed up on the bed and snuggled my neck and upper chest. He just purred til I went to sleep. And I didn't wake up for three hours. Even then it was just a kick to the bladder that woke me up. That 3 hours of sleep was more restful than any sleep I had experienced in weeks! Last night Casanova came to bed with me again. Once again he curled up in the exact same place and put me to sleep. Actually, he put me to sleep in less than ten minutes, hours earlier in the night than I had been able to go to sleep this whole pregnancy! He stayed with me most of the night, putting me right back to sleep every time my tiny little bladder woke me up. I went the entire night without any of those screams! AND I slept for probably nine and a half hours total! It was amazing.
Now, obviously my kitty isn't actually magic. I know it, you know it, we all know it. BUT just the same somehow he, or his purr, of the placement of his purr with where he snuggled me helped me soooo much! I just had to brag on my wonderful kitty! Go Cas!
Casanova is my kitty. He was the first kitty we got and he really only likes Hubby and me. He hides from most everyone else. And he really hadn't reacted very well to this pregnancy. He had been avoiding me, aided by my hubby locking the kitties out of my room at night. Hubby claimed that was to help me sleep while I believe it was so he could steal all the kitty loving! Despite that effort (haha) I have had a horrible time sleeping.
Recently I developed pregnancy induced sleep apnea. Multiple times in an hour I wake up making an inhale scream (the type you make when the scariest thing in the world just startled you.) And apparently for every time you wake up there are a whole lot more where you don't wake up. Consequently I have been exhausted.
Anyway, the night before last Hubby fell asleep before ushering me upstairs so I didn't have the kitties locked out. Well, Casanova climbed up on the bed and snuggled my neck and upper chest. He just purred til I went to sleep. And I didn't wake up for three hours. Even then it was just a kick to the bladder that woke me up. That 3 hours of sleep was more restful than any sleep I had experienced in weeks! Last night Casanova came to bed with me again. Once again he curled up in the exact same place and put me to sleep. Actually, he put me to sleep in less than ten minutes, hours earlier in the night than I had been able to go to sleep this whole pregnancy! He stayed with me most of the night, putting me right back to sleep every time my tiny little bladder woke me up. I went the entire night without any of those screams! AND I slept for probably nine and a half hours total! It was amazing.
Now, obviously my kitty isn't actually magic. I know it, you know it, we all know it. BUT just the same somehow he, or his purr, of the placement of his purr with where he snuggled me helped me soooo much! I just had to brag on my wonderful kitty! Go Cas!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)